STONE

Misleading trailer alert! Misleading trailer alert! I was very much looking forward to loving this film. I was so ready. Disappointment. Despair. Regret. According to recent studies conducted by the world's leading film critic, the four stages of watching Stone are as follows:

Stage one. The first seven minutes: "Oh goody, starting up a bit slowly, but I think this is going to be interesting and thought-provoking; some good back-story here."

Stage two. The build-up: "No, this is not interesting at all. Is it going to get better again? I am getting sleepy."

Stage three. The climax: "Oh, it got worse." (subject brings forth a fistful of chocolates) "I'm glad I filled my pockets with these guys." *crunch crunch crunch*

Stage four. The conclusion: "Ugh. Too many chocolates. What the hell is this movie?"

In addition to the above, very few thoughts were provoked, presented here in newspaper headline form: Screenplay not worthy of brilliant cast, Edward Norton really good at everything. As for what it was actually about... Don't tell me... Was it sin? It was sin, wasn't it? Or lies, or justice, something like that. Or possibly the moral implications of having hair like this.