CENTURION

I liked Centurion, and in no way am I ashamed to admit this. It was kind of cool, much like Olga Kurylenko is somewhat good-looking, and Michael Fassbender's voice is mildly arousing. It's very dark, very bloody, and, SPOILER ALERT, pretty much everyone dies. Fassbender is brilliant (as is his wont), and Kurylenko's mute (good call!) huntress is as delicious as she is terrifying. Plus, everyone says fuck a lot, which, strangely enough, is something I rather enjoy in a historical drama. On a scale of one to passports (CLICK THE LINK, or you won't get it), Centurion, I'd say, is a totally above-average birth certificate.

Even if I am being overly optimistic, let's put it this way: at least Centurion is better than King Arthur (by miles), although there's even less sex and Mads Mikkelsen is not in it. There is, luckily, just enough sexual innuendo and witty banter among the few (but racially diverse, yay!) remaining soldiers of the legion. Also, Michael Fassbender is the new Mads Mikkelsen, and Dominic West is, well, Dominic West. They make me very happy. I would compose a song to express this happiness, but I can't think of a dignified rhyme for Fassbender.